Empty

We are supposed to depart on our honeymoon in less than a week. 

I don't want to go anymore. 

I feel terrible. 

I feel sad. 

Emotionally and physically hurt

I can't see myself having any fun while I'm there.

I can't see myself having much fun at all. 

For goodness sake I can't go an hour with out crying.
Yesterday I tried getting back to normal.
 I really am trying!
 I painted my nails and even tried to pack a suitcase.
(We didn't buy honeymoon insurance so we have got to go.)

This is the last picture we took together before everything started to unravel. 

We were both very happy. We had fun with friends, visited local wineries, laughed and enjoyed one another. All with horrendous turmoil about to develop in my body. 

I can't wait for the time when we feel like that again.
Carefree and HAPPY

Dear god I wish it was sooner rather than later because I don't know how people recover from stuff like this and get back to the people they always were.

I find myself wanting to blog a lot about my feelings.
It's hard for me to talk about it because I get emotional and I don't like to cry in front of people.
I don't like to be vulnerable.
Also, I don't know anyone who has gone through anything like this.
People don't know what to say or do.
The supportive emails and comments I have received from new friends who are reading my posts.
Their strength gives me hope.