Why I Fear January 17

“Maybe somewhere in all of this there’s a reason. Maybe somewhere in all of this there’s a why. Maybe somewhere there’s that thing that lets you tie it all up with a neat bow and bury it in the backyard. But nothing, not getting angry, not prayers, and not tears, nothing can make something that happened unhappen.” 

~The United States of Leland

It may sound crazy but January 17th is a very unlucky day for me. For the last 2 years have been sad days. I almost feared what January 17, 2015 would bring.  January 17th of 2013 was supposed to be our 1st baby's due date. In the early stages of my pregnancy I got very ill and found out the pregnancy was ectopic. I went to emergency surgery to save my life. It was a tough time for our family and caused a lot of fear and anxiety with in me. When I found out I was pregnant with Jack and due around the same time I knew it would help to our family. 

After Jack was born January 5, 2014 our whole world felt new and beautiful like nothing could go wrong. On January 17th  of 2014 when our little boy was less than 2 weeks old I received a heart breaking phone call telling us that Jack had abnormal test results and may have Cystic Fibrosis. It was earth shattering. I knew CF as a friend of mine was diagnosed years earlier. I knew her pain, fear and illness all too well and I didn't want for my son to deal with so much. It didn't seem fair. After that call I remember walking around in fog for days. I refused to put my son down fearing that he was so sick and I needed to spend as much time with him as I could. A few short days later we rushed off for tests at the children's hospital and Jack was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis. Since last January we've had many ups and downs but we are thankful that Jack is healthy. 

Thankfully, this January 17th rolled around and was very uneventful. We spent the day with my mom shopping for Jack's birthday party. We were completely focused on him and all the good things we can look forward to in our future and his. Brian and I even had a date night and my mom slept over. This January 17th didn't hold me back from living. It's just a day like all the other 364 days a year. I don't know why bad things happen or why they happen on a certain day. Good things happen, bad things happen but we are grow from it, we love and we are loved in return.