My Black Friday

Happy belated Turkey Day everyone !Is everyone still stuffed? We are feeling a little under the weather around these parts! Poor Jack is sick, again. This makes 3 times in 3 months! Talk about building immunity! He was all about sharing this Thanksgiving so my husband and I have the sniffles too!  It's been a rough couple of weeks since my miscarriage and I'm still feeling down in the dumps so today we've decided to lay around the house and take it easy. My husband is working extra hours so he probably won't be home till after 10 tonight so its just me and a sick toddler. Here are a few things getting me through today.

1. Coffee and left over desserts!- Thankfully my aunt sent me home with some pumpkin cookies and cake pops because nothing cures the blues like homemade sweets! Pair it with the extra caffeine I'm going to need to get me through!

2. Tylenol- I'm not a real medicine taker but I have been in pair for almost 2 weeks. The cramping has been much worse than I expected and I've rallied through it all but add a nasty cold and headache this girl has given up! Load me up with all the medicine!

3. Comfy Jammies and lots of Snuggles- I'm all about the comfort lately. I just picked up some comfy lounge clothes last weekend on my solo trip to Target. They are perfect for snuggling up my sick little boy!

4. Christmas Movie Marathon- I'm a firm believer a good Christmas movie can change a rough day to a good day! I've already watched Home Alone, The Christmas Card, Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas and Elf!

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5. Online Sales- I really don't need much BUT I couldn't resist 60% off almost everything at Old Navy.  Carter's had some great stuff but every darn thing was already old out! Bummer! I'll just wait till Monday. I'm not doing a huge shop but I do like to online window shop!

How re you spending your Black Friday?

There Is No Greater Agony...

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There are moments in our lives that seem to make very little sense. Moments that are sheer joy that quickly turn to immense sadness with little to no explanation why. A few weeks back we were pleasantly surprised with two little lines on a pregnancy test. In all actuality it was about 6 lines because I didn't really expect it so I took numerous tests with the same results, a big fat positive. A week later I was pretty surprised with an OB office test results were negative. This led to several blood tests with the same conclusion. All my HCG levels decreased over time and several days later it was confirmed I was losing our baby. I wish I could say this is the first time and these feelings were new to me but they are not. Sadly, this is my third loss and they all hurt same. I've cried. I've asked why. I've doubted my body and I have blamed myself. This time I do have my Jack to remind me that miracles do happen and I have to stay positive. I have to rally for him to be a good mom for him. It is a blessing but it is also really hard when you have little to no time for self care when your body is fighting against you.

To anyone else going through this or have gone through it my heart is with  you. I know your pain. I share your pain.

Swim Lessons

I signed our little boy up for swim lessons. I was very unsure if it was the right decision to make as I'be played around with it for some time. It wasn't until I saw a video on FB of one of Jack's friends swimming all by himself after several months of lessons. Last Saturday I took Jack for a trial class and he loved it. It was a small class of 3. The instructor had awesome songs to sing and toys to play with. They cut right to the chase and Jack went under right away. He did amazing! He didn't even swallow water. I couldn't have been more proud. I loved their methods and couldn't wait to sign him up. From now on Jack and I will be going to swim classes each Saturday.

It's so wonderful to watch your children grow and learn every day. He lights up my life and I adore how he's growing. It's pretty great to be a parent.

Sidebar: Week 2 was not so good! The screams that came out of my poor boy! It was like some one was trying to torture him! To say I felt awful was the understatement of the year. Lots of tears and screams but we made it through and we will try again next week.

Thoughts on Expanding Your Family

As Jack gets older and closer to 2 the thoughts of having another baby become stronger.  Almost all of our mom's group friends are currently pregnant with number 2 or just had baby #2.  The struggle that comes with the decision to have #2 becomes a little harder. Now I am completely content with the life the 3 of us have now. The more I see birth announcements and the ever fun bump dates that baby fever gets a little stronger.

How could I not want another one of these to snuggle on???

The path to conceive wasn't easy for us. I often think about the baby I lost during my ectopic.  My ectopic pregnancy could have taken my life. It was misdiagnosed for 2 weeks and with each day that went by the baby grew in my tube causing massive internal bleeding. It cut off some circulation to the left side of my body causing nerve issues. At 9 weeks I had surgery to remove the baby from my tube. My surgeon was pretty fantastic and was able to save my left tube. Six months after I had healed from the ectopic surgery I had a miscarriage. This was one cycle before I got pregnant with Jack. Both were extremely tough on me our marriage. I only told my husband and best friend about my miscarriage. I was so traumatized after the ectopic I was very ashamed. I know that conceiving Jack helped save our marriage. If we didn't conceive Jack when we did I feel like the path I was going down was not a good one.

In addition to losing 2 pregnancies there is the constant fear of Cystic Fibrosis. As most of you know both Brian and I are carriers of Cystic Fibrosis genes. Jack was diagnosed with CF at 2 weeks old. I tested positive for the mutation during my pre natal bloodwork. Brian tested negative but the labs only test for 30 panels instead of 90 when testing for CF. Last year at this time I would have never even thought of having another child and subjecting them to this illness. During the last year of testing and information I've realized that medical science is so close to a cure, Jack is doing so well, actually BEYOND WELL and his CF is A-typical meaning due to the 2 mutations we have effects Jack differently than most cases. During Jack's last appointment we were informed of some pretty amazing medical advancements for Jack and others like him. In January Jack can begin medications that could potentially "fix" some of the genetic mutation. If your interested in reading more the medication is called Kalydeco.

I recently brought up the idea to Brian and his thoughts are to wait. There are several factors on why I agree with him. Being a parent, although so worth it, is exhausting and stress filled. Jack has gone through a phase where he hits, kicks, yells and melts down. It is not easy being a parent. We still don't sleep well and adding a pregnancy and new baby to the mix seems a bit crazy. Now although I completely agree with Brian there is a little part of me that realizes I'm 35 already!!! Ugh, I can't believe I'm getting so old. This old gal's clock is tick tocking away!


For moms out there; Was your decision to have one based on one thing or many? or did you stick to one child? What were the bases for your decisions???

A Perfect Little Halloween

We had the most perfect Halloween! I have always enjoyed Halloween. I just love the fun and mischief involved with it. I never expected how much more I would love it with a child. We celebrated last year but Jack was only 9 months old so he did dress up but it was a simple day. This year we went all out.

We started out at our favorite book store Sparta Books with their Halloween story time and party. Jack got to play with friends and enjoy the book reading of Monster Needs A Costume by the author. Jack and I went as my favorite Pixar duo Buzz and Woody! Afterwards we took a ride home for a nice nap. After Jack's nap we got him back in his Buzz Lightyear costume and took him out for some goodies. Our neighbors were so great. They had special treats for little ones like fruit snacks, pretzels, sugar cookies and granola. Our one neighbor was giving out treats to parents too. Beer and wine for the win!

The weather was so perfect we sat outside all day giving away candy. Our entire neighborhood gets crazy. We are the only development in our town so it is the place to be on Halloween. Police actually direct traffic getting in and out of the development. We ran out of candy by 6:30. We had over 300 candy/pretzel and cookies to hand out. That is how crazy it gets. 

It was the most perfect day for all of us. Halloween is so much more magical when you can watch children enjoy it. I think that is why I have always loved Halloween. We all get to be kids, we can be social with our neighbors and friends plus there are Reeses involved!

Hope you all had a wonderful Halloween.

All Dogs Go To Heaven

It was a late Thursday night when you took a turn for the worst. You couldn't move, your breath shallow but you crawled onto my lap and let me pet you for about an hour. You were surrounded by all the people who loved you most. You looked up at me and took your last breathe. It was quick. I could feel the life leave your body. I sat with you for a few hours and cried. You were my very first baby, you ruined my shoes, begged at every meal, but you loved us. You loved Jackie boy so much and I will never forget that. We buried you in the backyard. The place you loved to run and play the most.

Our house is quiet now, we laugh a little less and Jack calls for you all. We told him you went to Heaven. I'm sure he doesn't understand but maybe some day he will. I'll tell him you taught him so much about love, loyalty and the best way to treat our fury friend. 

We miss you Bogart. Thank you for all the years of love and laughter. We are forever grateful. 

All photos courtesy of K. Sleder Photography

Shortly after Bogart's diagnosis we asked our good friend Katrina to take a few "Bogart Bucket List" photos. In September, we went apple picking as a family. The orchard where our little family began. We wanted to have some keepsake photos of Bogart for Jack when he gets older. Katrina sent these to me the day before Bogart passed away. I am so grateful for these images.