Grief...

Hello friends,

I'm very sad to say my beautiful and strong Aunt Susan has passed away after a long illness. She was 54 years old. She left this world early Sunday morning. She was a fighter in every sense of the word with more courage then I will ever now. She taught us all no matter your size, illness, or debilitating condition you can fright through and do anything. She was an inspiration to us all. We can take solace that the pain that has ravaged her body is now gone. She leaves behind her husband, Tom and son's Christopher and Ryan. She also leaves behind 2 brothers, 2 sisters, her mom and numerous nieces and nephews. We love her and will miss her.

I keep thinking the novel, The Lovely Bones, and the idea of heaven as they described it in the book. When Suzie goes to heaven in the book she finds it is her own personal heaven.  I know my aunt would chose to have a heaven where she could move freely with no pain. She would be free of walkers and wheelchairs. I hope her beloved dog Tiramasu was up there waiting for her. Aunt Susan's heart was shattered when her little Yorkie and constant companion passed away this year. I hope there are now together taking long walks. I know that would be her personal heaven. She would be happy.

We are here left to grieve and it is very difficult. We will miss her terribly but are thankful she is free of pain. I do not grief like most believe. I become quiet mean and intentionally push people away. I do not want to be touched, hugged or comforted. I don't like crying in front of others and I get very uncomfortable when others do. I find myself apologizing every 2 minutes for the way I'm coping.

 I have had some great posts scheduled this week. I don't know if I feel up to it right now. It kind of feels fake. I ask for your thoughts and prayers for my family who are traveling this week to NY for a ceremony on Friday.

Thank you.