Thoughts and Prayers.

Our family is going through a very difficult time. My Aunt is dying. She has fought her entire life and she has decided she just can't do it anymore. We have been told her wishes and told to come see her as soon as possible to say goodbye.

My Aunt Susan was born in the mid 50's. She grew up in constant pain and in many hospitals. She wore braces on her legs as a child and was made fun of on a daily basis. My mom and their older brother would always beat people up for her. She was later diagnosed with Spina Bifida. As a teenager she spent an entire year in Blythdale Children's Hospital. As 16, my mother was married and she walked down the aisle with crutches and an entire body cast. She has always been tough as nails.

As an adult she graduated nursing school and became a neonatal nurse at one of NYC's worst hospitals. She nursed crack addicted babies back to health. She worked as a nurse for many years until her health again began failing. Her body wore out on her way to early. A several years ago she fell and suffered a broken leg at her home. The hospital she was taken too set her leg incorrectly causing a bone infection, blood infection and a coma. While in  coma the doctor's injected her with Oxycodone. Upon waking from the coma she had to deal with not only the pain of her leg but also withdrawals from the pain medication. She has never recovered from this bone break. Her body can't fight off the infections anymore.

All of this has compromised her immune system. She has been in constant pain for so many years and its just not fair. I'm so torn. I want her to fight and get better but I don't know if thats fair for her. She has fought for so long and her body is tired.

I'm having a hard time deciding whether I should fly down to Georgia to see her or should I remember her the way I know her as she was healthy and not in agonizing pain where she may not remember me. I'm very torn. I don't handle things like this we'll. When think like this happen I she down. I don't show any emotion. I don't want to be comforted or know how to comfort. I don't know how to talk about it. I think this post has been a way of coping for me. I just ask for you all for your prayers or positive energy for my Aunt Susan.