Monday, June 11, 2012


We are supposed to depart on our honeymoon in less than a week. 

I don't want to go anymore. 

I feel terrible. 
I feel sad. 
Emotionally and physically hurt
I can't see myself having any fun while I'm there.
I can't see myself having much fun at all. 
For goodness sake I can't go an hour with out crying.
Yesterday I tried getting back to normal.
 I really am trying!
 I painted my nails and even tried to pack a suitcase.
(We didn't buy honeymoon insurance so we have got to go.)

This is the last picture we took together before everything started to unravel. 
We were both very happy. We had fun with friends, visited local wineries, laughed and enjoyed one another. All with horrendous turmoil about to develop in my body. 
I can't wait for the time when we feel like that again.
Carefree and HAPPY
Dear god I wish it was sooner rather than later because I don't know how people recover from stuff like this and get back to the people they always were.

I find myself wanting to blog a lot about my feelings.
It's hard for me to talk about it because I get emotional and I don't like to cry in front of people.
I don't like to be vulnerable.
Also, I don't know anyone who has gone through anything like this.
People don't know what to say or do.
The supportive emails and comments I have received from new friends who are reading my posts.
Their strength gives me hope.


Anonymous said...

Ugh, I wish I could take this all away for you. I said most of what I wanted to say in that email... re-read it. Go on your honeymoon. This "phase" doesn't last forever, I promise. The hurt and pain go away, I swear to it. If you go, and don't have fun, you'll regret it, and resent the pregnancy. So, go! Try! And get wrapped up in this {other} glorious time in your life. Love you! :) Stay strong! We're praying for you down here in Alabama!

Monica said...

I agree with Victoria go on your honeymoon try to take this time to spend with your husband and allow yourself the break to heal

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

Oh hon. I'm so sorry. I'm not going to even try to say that I have any idea what you're going through.

But I agree with Victoria. Go on your honeymoon. Maybe it'll be a way to start healing.

Sending you love and good thoughts.

Courtney*Cakes said...

My sister lost her baby at 5 months... It was the hardest thing our family has ever been through. We used each others strength to help us heal... That's what this honeymoon can be... A time for you and your husband to heal :)

Your in my thoughts and prayers.

Kristin said...

Thinking of you, Kristina. I just hope that you start to feel better soon. Going away will hopefully be a chance to refresh.

Sarah said...

Please know that you WILL get through this. Try to have fun on your honeymoon! Hopefully it will keep your mind busy :)

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