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LIFE, LOVE AND A SPLASH OF SOME GLAMOUR

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Confessional

Not really sure what prompted me to write about stuff like this again. It could be that yesterday made 2 months since everything happened. It could be because I've been holding a lot in lately, fighting with my husband, or hanging with 3 pregnant friend this weekend. I think its most likely because I feel like people have rushed me through my grief. Wondering why I still feel the way I do. I just want people to stop asking when will I get pregnant again like that will solve all the problems. I feel like here on this blog is the only place I can be me; be honest.


Source: via Kristina on Pinterest


Sometimes I think I should be over it too but I can't stop blaming myself.  Mostly I feel like I've ruined everything and its causing strain on my relationships, especially with my husband, my friends and family. I can't seem to forgive myself and just simply move on.

It bothers me when my husband tells me he doesn't think about it anymore. All I want him to do is listen and understand. Its very difficult when all he ever says is I should probably go to therapy. I try doing things to make me feel better. I try to look at my wedding photos. They only make me sad. Its just a reminder of how things used to be. I have tried so many things to make it better;
 yoga-didn't work,
dance- didn't work,
meditate- didn't work,
pray- didn't work,
eat, drink, shop- didn't work. 


Source: tumblr.com via Kristina on Pinterest


I'm trying to hard but can't seem to forgive myself and my body. I really hope time heals all wounds. These 2 months have not been kind to me.

6 comments:

Blubtrflygrl said...

Awwww I am sorry you are going through such a rough time. I belong to an online community where I know they have a special message board geared directly to the kind of loss you are going through. I know so many women rave about this as a supportive place that helped them tremendously when the rest of the world didn't get it. Let me know if you want the link :)

The Vintage Modern Wife said...

Maybe it'd be a good idea to spend quality time with Brian. Like just the two of you, enjoyIng yourselves. And maybe you really might want to talk to someone. I love the idea mentioned above of the message board idea. I think that would be really good for you. You are not to blame for this though, Kristina. One day, the time will be right and you will become a mom. This was nothing that you did wrong. I know this is rough on you, but just focus on your newlywed life as possible. I promise things will get better some day. By the way, it's ok to grieve. There is nothing wrong with you still being sad. Just know that.

Danielle said...

I hate that you aren't feeling the kind of support you need. I personally swear by therapy, it's one of the best choices I ever made, so if it's something you're comfortable with, it's worth a shot.

Just know that we are here for you. I know sometimes blogging feels like sounding off into the empty universe, but we do care about you. I'm still keeping you in my prayers.

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

Everyone grieves in their own way and for some it takes longer than others.

It's strange because I lost friendships years ago that I still grieve for. But my divorce? My grieving time was so short.

I know that is nothing compared to the loss you had. But don't let anyone tell you what the right length of grieving time is. It is different for every single person.

You've got support here.

Popcorn, Pugs & Peonies said...

Sorry that you are going through this Kristina. This may be a case of time heals all wounds, but I hope that talking about it helps. Sometimes getting your feeling out there can be a relief (and release).

Brenda Wilkerson said...

Grief is a very personal thing and loss takes a LONG time to process. Please don't let anyone rush you or tell you that you're not grieving the "right" way. If you don't feel like you can talk to friends or family, counseling can be really comforting and reassuring. I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. :(

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