Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Wedding Wednesday- Venting for the stressed B2B

Be forewarned this blog entry will be a total b*tch-fest. Sorry in advance but read on if you wish :)

I've been feeling so stressed with wedding planning lately. As if the typical wedding stress isn't bad enough I have all this other stuff clouding my brain. The biggest problems I've been having are based around what others want for my wedding day. They feel obligated to tell me I am doing everything wrong or the phrase"It would be much better this way" is always popping up. It has gotten to the point where I want to rip my hair out. Both of our families can not afford to help us pay for the wedding and we completely understand. We are a very independent couple and wouldn't want to depend on them like some engaged couples do. Since we are paying for everything ourselves I believe we should be able to do what we want. Very early on in the planning stage we both agreed that we would not use credit cards or loans and strictly pay for a wedding with what we save through our engagement period.  We have done an incredible job saving so far. Brian and I have specific plans for our life and putting ourselves 30,000+ into debt is not what we had in mind. We both believe a wedding is a very special day but its only a day. What matters is all the amazing things that follow. I am also getting older and would like to start a family soon after we are wed and I would prefer not having debt hanging over my head.

It seems whenever I say anything about decor, self made centerpieces, bridesmaids, flowers and hors d'oeuvres some one frowns upon it. I feel as if I have not had control over so much. Because of this I seem to be second guessing all the decisions I have already made including my bridesmaid dresses, colors and even my own bridal gown. I feel like I have lost myself. This makes me very sad. All of this stress is making me want to just keep it all a secret. It shouldn't feel this way. I can't seem to wrap my head around people getting angry or upset because of something like 5 passed hors d'oeuvres during cocktail hour and not 10! Don't get me wrong I really want my guests to have a great time but do 5 extra appetizers or hand made centerpieces define fun at our wedding? If small and simple things like these affect our guests then maybe they aren't the type of people I want involved in my life.

People don't seem to understand that having been in weddings or attending many does not give them the right to tell me my plans are not good enough. I don't want a cookie cutter wedding. I want there to be a little something different. Something more me and Brian. It has definitely taken the fun and excitement out of all the planning. The problem is I can't complain. If you do complain about anything wedding related people label you as a "bridezilla".  So I zip my lips and pretend it doesn't bother me. I really want to be happy while planning. I am trying very hard to not let this stuff get us down and just enjoy the process. I am jealous Brian brushes it off so easily but I can't. I want to feel confident with our choices and have those close to us feel confident with them too.

Any bridal advice? Or other brides to be feeling this way?
Thanks for listening to the rant :)



NYC Recessionista said...

Just re-read #s 10 and 1 on my post from last week -- laugh, exhale, and say screw 'em! It's YOUR wedding ... don't listen to a word of it!

The Vintage Modern Bride said...

if you are paying, then do what you want. or, before you tell/show people stuff for your wedding just tell them before hand to not say anything negative. my FSIL is a very negative person and is always trying to bring down any decisions i've made. i finally just had to tell her "look, i know you dont like ____ but just smile and agree because I like it." sometimes you just have to tell people (especially family). if it hurts their feelings, they'll get over it. it's your day hun!

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