Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Wishing I Could Be a Stay At Home Mom

I'm going back to work April 1st. I can barely think about it with out overwhelming sadness. I've been crying a lot lately knowing that my days of maternity leave are dwindling. I can't imagine the day when I can't cuddle with my little man whenever I want. Jack currently has an attachment to me. He laughs when I talk and turns his head to look for me. I have this terrible fear that when I go to work he will forget that and our bond will not be as close as it is. I currently leave at 9am and I don't get home till after 7. It just seems like way to long to be out of house and away from my sweet boy.

My entire life I wanted to have a successful job, big house, nice clothes and all that jazz. Since having Jack I would trade that all in just to be able to spend time with my son. None of that matters to me any more. When my brother and I were little my mother chose to stay home with us. She quit a successful job in Manhattan to stay home with us until my brother was 8 and I was 10 years old. We did not have the newest clothes (mostly hand me downs), we never had brand name things, we didn't take a lot of vacations but we always had our mom there for us. I wouldn't trade that experience for the world and wish I could do the same with my Jack. I've been experiencing such guilt about bad money making decisions I've made in my past. If only I had looked to the future when planning out my life.

Combined with the guilty of poor money making decisions I worry about Jack's health. As it is Jack's daily breathing treatments take a large amount of time and they are taxing on all of us. They will only get harder as he gets older and is more mobile. Most days they last over 90 minutes, lots of tears on all our parts and usually conclude with a massive vomiting episode. Due to  the vomiting we have to plan feedings around all treatments.  It's nothing short of heartbreaking. I don't know how we are going to fit in a 10 hour work day in addition to his therapies.

I want to stay at home to care for Jack and all of his health needs. I want to be the one to take him to all his medical visits, there are a lot of them. I just don't know if it's in the cards for us at this time. I have no idea where to even start thinking about how we could afford to do it. I've been trying to come up with ways to make it all work but I could use your help.

So my question to any stay at home moms out there is how do you do it?

What sacrifices have you and your family made?

Any suggestions on how to do it?


Erin @ Keep Calm and Sparkle said...

I feel you pain!!! It was heartbreaking to leave Mav. It does get easier but then there are days like yesterday, his tooth is bothering him and he was very clingy Sunday well he was the same at daycare yesterday and I broke down in tears b/c someone else got to snuggle him all day and not me. With Jack's treatments I know it's harder than what I deal with. Hang in there!!!

Katie said...

Aww I feel for you. I know I will feel exactly the same way after I have my baby. I hope you are able to savor the last couple weeks :)

Meg Doherty said...

I never had a stay at home mom because my parents both needed to work. I always appreciated how hard they worked for my family, and I know they both wish they could have been home more, we all know it was best for us. Good luck with your transition back to work!

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