Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Save Your Drama For Ya Momma and Not Your Mom Group

How 1990's is this post title? Just thinking of it I can't help but think of Maury or the Ricki Lake show! So dating myself with this! Either way it was the perfect segway into my post. I'm still kind of in disbelief as to what happened in a mom group I recently joined.
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I was invited into a local mom group via Facebook by a friend who I have known for 10 years. First off the group seemed like fun. Moms would create events for local activities that moms and little ones could participate in. I loved the idea of the events and it makes it easy to see what is available in our community. Most of the moms stay at home so you can imagine all the activities take place during my work week. It was difficult for me to attend many of the activities as my work schedule stinks during the week. I'm off 1 day a week I am off to take Jack to his specialist over an hour away and I really can't commit to anything.

A few weekends ago I was happy to be able to attend an event in a local park to visit Santa and support the local food pantry. Although I decided to attend the event for the safety of myself and my son I don't RSVP to any Facebook type event. In my opinion I don't trust people knowing exactly where and when I'm going to be places. Other moms feel fine with it and some others actually post there address for playdates. Not my scene but to each there own. The safety of Jack is most important.

Fast forward to a few days after this event. A mom posts on the group that she thinks it is important to get rid of members who "refuse" to attend events. She demanded that mothers must attend 2 events in 1 month in order to stay in the group. She requested moms respond so I did. I made mention that as a working mom who doesn't get home to 7:30 at night it was difficult to adhere to the new guidelines. I also made mention that the winter and indoor activities are not my first choice as Jack can get sick very easily. I stated my case in hopes that moms would understand other moms and their difficulty to commit whether it's their job, illness or even as simple as nap times.

What comes next was quite a shock. A mom (an active group mom) responds to my comment is the most rude and inconsiderate way. She stated (I wish I could have screen shot it but the admins deleted the post.)  in some similar verbiage: I'm going to sound rude and I don't care. Stop making excuses and show up! I was pissed! How dare she be so rude? How dare she make so light of my life and the things that hold me back from attending things with my son. Naturally I wanted to go back at her and not care if I was being rude but I didn't. I held my head high and ignored almost everything that came after. Apparently, other moms didn't react well to her nasty comment towards me and proceeded to leave the group. I was also tempted to leave the group. Shortly after the admin explained that rules of the group would not change. Clearly, they get it.  A lot of members left and I'm toying with the idea of it still. Although I like the idea of knowing events in our local area I have no time for high school drama or moms who are not supportive of other moms. Isn't that the idea, moms supporting other moms? I really buy into the "It takes a village" ideal. It really, truly does! Moms should build up other moms rather than tear them down no matter the circumstance.

I guess I just needed to get that off my chest.

Am I being over sensitive?


Jenn said...

Ugh, there are some people out there who are SO miserable (I wrote a post about some of these people today actually) that they have to lash out and just be rude to others. They have no compassion. They are the end-all be-all. Don't let ONE person ruin your experience. Then she wins. If there are things you like about the group, stay. If you're over it for other reasons besides her, then leave. Don't let her take away something that is good for you and your son!

K said...

Nope. You are exactly right to feel how you feel. I'm a working Mother as well and it is SO hard to find something to go to when I'm not working. I too would find it hard to commit to anything because who knows, maybe the one time I CAN go he's sick, or naps long, or whatever. Regardless. These groups are supposed to be a community, a helping hand, your village. Making "rules" and being nasty is going against ALL of that. Good for you for taking the high road, although it would have been hard for me not to as well!

Nichole @ said...

Oh my gosh. I would be horrified! I'm glad though that other moms stood up!

Jen said...

Wow this is awful! I have never understood why Moms are so nasty to each other. I am so glad that there were others that came to your defense.

Meg Taylor said...

WOW that's insane!! You are definitely not being over sensitive. I feel like those kinds of groups, similar to ones I'm in for blogging, should be what you make it. If you want to attend, great, and if not, then don't! Jeesh people are CRAZY!

Blubtrflygrl said...

Crazy. Not totally the same, but I recently left a local forum I've been part of for years for similar drama, I actually wrote a blog post about it. It was affecting me off the boards so I took that as I sign I needed to leave. I also don't want to come off as sounding rude either, but I know a few SAHMs in my personal life where they become like this because it's ALL they have going on for them besides their kids.

holli said...

I agree with Blubtrflygrl- many SAHM's don't have anything else to worry and focus on so they become a little too involved. That would have pissed me off!! I'm glad other moms defended you and dropped out. I'm not sure I would want to stay in that group. I would find another one similar so you can be aware of the events.

Courtney @ Shiraz In My Sippy Cup said...

So I'm just going to keep it real and say that unfortunately, the drama is all some SAHM have. It's almost like they create this stuff and pull the drama from nowhere just to have something to do or to get a little excitement in their lives. This isn't the case for all but I've dealt with it before. Leave this group. It isn't good for any mother, SAHM or working. I have a very low tolerance for this type of crap and that's what it is - crap. You can find better support elsewhere.

PS - new reader from The Blog Life for Life Facebook page. I look forward to following you!

Stephanie Cox said...

As a SAHM, I totally see where you are coming from. It's hard for working Moms to do it all and there are some SAHM that just don't get that. I personally don't want to have my time stretch so line and feel like I have to be attached to something. Leaving the group was a stellar move. I applaud you.

Breanna said...

Boo! I had a long comment typed up and then I lost everything :(

I am so mad for you. That woman was out of line, and that whole situation is just ridiculous. I understand the group has local ties, but you cannot force people to attend and base their "membership" off of that. Well, I guess you CAN, but seriously?! GRRR!

Laura said...

omg that is so obnoxious! I just cannot even stand some of these mom groups. It is unfortunate, because I strictly follow just to get some advice and ideas on local events (like you said) but I have never, ever, ever posted anything on these boards because I just don't want to. I prefer to be a silent observer. I'm glad that other mom's stood up for you and that some left - I hope they made that other nasty woman leave the group!

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