|How could I not want another one of these to snuggle on???|
The path to conceive wasn't easy for us. I often think about the baby I lost during my ectopic. My ectopic pregnancy could have taken my life. It was misdiagnosed for 2 weeks and with each day that went by the baby grew in my tube causing massive internal bleeding. It cut off some circulation to the left side of my body causing nerve issues. At 9 weeks I had surgery to remove the baby from my tube. My surgeon was pretty fantastic and was able to save my left tube. Six months after I had healed from the ectopic surgery I had a miscarriage. This was one cycle before I got pregnant with Jack. Both were extremely tough on me our marriage. I only told my husband and best friend about my miscarriage. I was so traumatized after the ectopic I was very ashamed. I know that conceiving Jack helped save our marriage. If we didn't conceive Jack when we did I feel like the path I was going down was not a good one.
In addition to losing 2 pregnancies there is the constant fear of Cystic Fibrosis. As most of you know both Brian and I are carriers of Cystic Fibrosis genes. Jack was diagnosed with CF at 2 weeks old. I tested positive for the mutation during my pre natal bloodwork. Brian tested negative but the labs only test for 30 panels instead of 90 when testing for CF. Last year at this time I would have never even thought of having another child and subjecting them to this illness. During the last year of testing and information I've realized that medical science is so close to a cure, Jack is doing so well, actually BEYOND WELL and his CF is A-typical meaning due to the 2 mutations we have effects Jack differently than most cases. During Jack's last appointment we were informed of some pretty amazing medical advancements for Jack and others like him. In January Jack can begin medications that could potentially "fix" some of the genetic mutation. If your interested in reading more the medication is called Kalydeco.
I recently brought up the idea to Brian and his thoughts are to wait. There are several factors on why I agree with him. Being a parent, although so worth it, is exhausting and stress filled. Jack has gone through a phase where he hits, kicks, yells and melts down. It is not easy being a parent. We still don't sleep well and adding a pregnancy and new baby to the mix seems a bit crazy. Now although I completely agree with Brian there is a little part of me that realizes I'm 35 already!!! Ugh, I can't believe I'm getting so old. This old gal's clock is tick tocking away!
For moms out there; Was your decision to have one based on one thing or many? or did you stick to one child? What were the bases for your decisions???