Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Just Not Into It

I'm being a bad blogger.

I just don't have anything interesting to say. I'm not finding any inspiration or any drive to write lately. I don't want to force it or try and find anything to say. Usually it comes natural but not lately. I think I'm in need of getting my mind right before I can write anything interesting. When I try to write something lately it seems to be depressing and thats exactly the way I'm feeling. Serious issues with in my family, my career,  and unsuccessfully trying to have a baby have all begun to weigh heavy on my heart. I have now had what I believe to be 3 panic attacks. I've been clinching my hands so bad during the day and even while sleeping I've cut my hands open. I just feel bad. Even tiny things feel overwhelming. I've cried myself to sleep for days. I haven't worked out and I'm ashamed to admit I drank so much on Friday night I barely remember getting to sleep. It's like a negative spiral. I don't even know where to start healing myself. I really need a few days off of work but since things are so messed up there I'm afraid I won't have a job soon anyway. I really just want to get back to the girl I used to be. I look back at old blog posts and see how happy I used to be. It makes me mad I can't just snap my fingers and get back to that girl. I often think about what my readers think. I think they must be so bored by hearing these things.

I need something. I need a change. I don't know how I'll do it. Nothing seems to work. I just have to have hope that something will make it better soon.

Thank you for listening and loving me.

Source: via Kristina on Pinterest


holli said...

The truth is this is your blog to talk about anything you want. i follow another blogger that is writing to get thru her drug and alcohol addiction and many of her posts are sad and depressing. Life is real and sometimes life can really suck!! I'm so sorry that times are hard right now but dont give up on the fun cheerful girl in you. She'll come out when she's ready and until then , hang on. I'm sending you a hug from a blogger in Texas ( me).

Jen said...

Things will get better! I usually just ramble on my blog haha. But it helps and makes me feel better. :) Hugs friend!

Maddie~The Whimsy One said...

I am sorry for your recent struggles, but there is something to be said for being real. I am often intermittent in my posts b/c of my ptsd treatment and my baby issues too. I will email you more in depth this week, but you are being thought of.

Jennifer said...

I'm sorry you are having so many problems lately. Anyone would be down about it. I hope things start looking up for you very soon.

Laura said...

I'm sorry you're feeling so crummy lately. With the things going on in your life, plus it being the cold wintery months where everyone is down in the dumps, it can't be a good mix. It can't last like this forever...things ebb and flow, and things will turn around for you one day. It might just take a little while, but if you stay positive and keep good people in your life close to you, you'll get through it.

Blubtrflygrl said...

I can relate to how you feel. I've been in a slump myself for several weeks now. Especially as far as work is concerned. I'm sure I've said this before, but I have a really hard time not letting other people and their drama affect me. I haven't had anything substantial to say on my blog lately either. Life is pretty routine day in and day out. I guess that can be seen as a positive too, if you think about it. Hope that things start looking up soon for you, as cliche as that sounds.

Jamie said...

I hope youre starting to feel better.

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