Friday, March 15, 2013

Things Have Got to Get Better

I wasn't feeling very good on Monday. I woke up at 4:30. Went to boot camp and carried on with my day. In the late afternoon I starting getting some real nasty pains in my back and stomach but I pushed through. I attributed it to my monthly visitor that was a few days late. My period has been very different since my ectopic over the summer. I pushed myself because my best friend had a baby and I was leaving work early to see them. At about 2 pm I felt like my insides had fallen out. It was awful. The pain not so bad but aftermath was rough. It happened 4 other times that hour. I ruined my clothing. My heart sank because I had a similar feeling to this around the time of my ectopic. I kind of had a feeling I knew what was going on and tried to ignore it. The next day the doctor informed me his conclusion from tests was that I had an early, 4 week miscarriage. Not really much to say about it. I guess this happens to more women who never even realize. Since my ectopic I've been on a high alert when anything seems wrong. I almost wish I didn't go to the doctor because I really wish I didn't have to hear those words. 

I'm fine.
I guess. 
I feel like a failure. I feel like there is something wrong with me. 
I feel like my body has once again failed me. 
I guess I'm just a champ at losing babies. 

This pretty much says it all. 


Molly said...

I'm so sorry to hear this, Kristina. Thinking of you and sending you all of the virtual hugs. <3

Ms. Paws said...

O love, im so sorry... I have had a similar year and can understand the heightened awareness, just know though that it's for a reasonso when your time comes you can experience every change to the fullest.

Jen said...

:( Hugs and prayers my dear friend!!!! Always here to listen.

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