Reflecting...

Reflecting back on there last 4 weeks I am still shocked at what has happened in our lives. Don't get me wrong we prepared the best we could for 9 months but no matter how much you prepare I don't you could ever be ready for bringing home baby and all that it comes with. I remember thinking to myself on our release day from the hospital "Are they just going to let us leave with him?" I cried when we left the hospital having no idea what was next. Plus, I had found myself feeling so connected with our nurses. They basically saw me at my worst, nearly delivered my son, helped me in the bathroom, served my husband coffee and all around cared so well for our family of 3. I would have never thought I could feel so connected with people I only knew for 3 days. There are a lot of things I had never thought I'd feel but emotions and hormones are a crazy thing. So many things have surprised me since Jack had entered our lives. These are just a few of the unexpected things I've felt in the last 4 weeks.

First off, the love for my little nugget is so immense. It has taken over my body, mind and soul. I love him so much I cry about it almost daily. When his eyes well up with tears because he has gas or he's hungry I feel his pain. The joy I feel makes my heart so happy. I am so overjoyed and overcome with love, hope, dreams and even lots of fears too.

I didn't have a clue I would have such an emotional connection to labor and delivery. If you read Jack's birth story you know that I was not as prepared as I should have been. I just thought I'd go in, get an epidural and POOF BABY! That did not happen. Every time I think of my labor, my coaches, and how it all happened I get so emotional. I always felt as if labor was means to an end. I was so wrong. Labor and delivery were truly so much more amazing than originally thought.

I was very surprised that I felt so great after delivery. I was up and moving not long after Jack was born. The next day I was doing laps around the labor and delivery wing. I was showering and even put on some make up.  About an hour after Jack was born I was even asking if my husband would get me a bagel.

I'm amazed at how well I function on such little sleep. I must say Jack is a great baby. He sleeps well and at night and usually wakes up only 2 times a night around 3:30 and 5:30. When I was pregnant I would always wake up between 3-4am too. I tend to get about 5 hours of sleep each night. Which is what I would get towards the end of my pregnancy too. I've decided not to pump religiously every 2 hours at night. I do during the day but I've made the choice that the extra sleep is much more important for me. I take the nights during the week and Brian takes the weekend nights when he is off so I am left with most of the overnight duty.  

Breastfeeding...Ugh, I never really knew how hard it would be. So much harder and more stressful than expected.

Most of all I am surprised that I miss wing pregnant so much. I love having my little man so close to me and holding him in my arms but I really miss being pregnant. Even in those final months and weeks of heartburn and discomfort I really miss being pregnant. I enjoy being Jack's mommy so very much but I'm not ashamed to admit I'd love to continue to build our little family some time soon!